As the month of November rolls around the corner, it pops off with the observance of National Family Caregiver’s Month. There are many of us who can likely relate to slipping into a family caregiver role at some point in our lives if not doing so presently. Oftentimes, it comes unannounced. It’s a responsibility that is dropped on many without much discourse taking place prior. Although this is the case at times, family members generally find the caregiving responsibilities rewarding when committing themselves to the sacrifice that comes with prioritizing it through love. However, it’s difficult to bypass the effect it can have on the mental health of those directly involved. The topic at hand can be an uncomfortable subject to engage in due to the intricacy of the relationships, so it may not get highlighted regularly. From siblings to parents, and occasionally extended family members, the reality is that it can sometimes take its toll. Especially when the help required extends beyond the family’s efforts and certain services are not available in the ways they need them for making the caregiving role more efficient.

This is definitely not a one size fits all experience though and we witness this in the way it’s represented in television and film. In the new series Everything Now that was released recently on Netflix, we are taken on a tumultuous journey of the main character Mia as she battles an eating disorder. One that has ravaged the ties of her family. Nearly tearing them apart.

The series takes an interesting spin on an example of what it can mean to be a family caregiver. Considering, this isn’t with respect to an elderly parent or sibling with a disability. Rather, an eating disorder that still requires just as much thought and consideration as a family member who’s on the outside looking in and bearing the responsibility for their loved one’s care. In the first episode, Mia spends quite a bit of time in a treatment center until she is finally allowed to return home. When she does, we’re introduced to her parents and younger brother Alex. At the start of the series, every instance portrayed is shown through Mia’s lens, until around episode six where the focus is reflected through Alex’s and the reality that he’s been living in her shadow since the discovery of her disorder.

In this episode, the parents have separated but still come together for a family session with Mia’s therapist. Of course it comes as no surprise that the initial focus is on how Mia is feeling. Not only with regard to her recovery, but the sudden news of her parents splitting up. Especially considering how devastating the admission was when she learned that her entire family had been keeping it a secret from her. As we mosey along through the scene, it’s as if there’s some sort of anticipation that the viewers would all be thinking: “Well, what about Alex? What about how he feels? He’s in the room too!” The therapist eventually comes to the rescue and poses the question to Alex, inquiring about his thoughts on the situation and how he’s been doing with only a few words:

“Alex, how does this make you feel?”

Of course, like clockwork, that ticking time bomb that’s been sitting inside of him finally goes off! We get that opportunity to gain some insight into how he’s feeling about things. Only to find out that all of the word vomit that he’s just finished spitting up is simply his inner monologue hard at work. Hiding away everything that he wishes he could actually say. The words that he ultimately expresses are nothing in comparison to his authentic feelings about the situation. Throughout that brief moment of introspection, he voices one of the most common traits found in those who deal with similar circumstances as a sibling who has become a family caregiver. It’s recently even been coined the term: glass child syndrome.

“Glass children take on these caretaker responsibilities and naturally we are conditioned not to have any problems. We are supposed to be perfect. When someone asks us how we are doing, the answer is always: I’m doing fine.” (source)

Absolutely. When Alex eventually steps outside of himself to provide the therapist with an answer, the best he can seem to muster up is:

“I’m just really proud of how far Mia’s come.”

It was disappointing at first, but the more you get to learn about the glass child syndrome, the more empathy stems from understanding why they don’t feel as inclined to speak up about their real thoughts and feelings on things. You would think that if they’re asked about it, they would feel compelled to take control of the floor now that they have it, but it isn’t that simple.

“We are called glass children, because our parents are so consumed with the needs of our brothers and sisters that when they look at us they look right through us as though we’re made of glass.” (source)

This show isn’t the first that we witness this either. They’re only the first who appear to get it right. Euphoria does a good job as well of representing what it means to be a glass child to a sibling that is dealing with drug addiction. Which can be just as debilitating and require work from everyone involved. My only caveat is that there was no representation for Gia as the glass child. We weren’t presented with her perception of reality. Only her sister Rue and those around her. There is one moment in the show that they get one part of it right. When her mother makes the acknowledgement herself that she is no longer capable of holding space for Rue’s addiction. Stating the case that she has essentially given up on her and that she has another child that needs her attention: Rue’s younger sister Gia. That was likely the closest we were going to get to obtaining that level of apprehension when it comes to her sibling but through her mother instead.

Studies show that the likelihood of these children’s mental health being impacted by their role is significant. Parents reported an increase of challenges in the following areas (source):

• Interpersonal relationships

• Overall functioning

• Functioning at school

• Use of leisure time

How can you focus on anything else when you’re required to prioritize your role as a family caregiver all the time? So it comes as no surprise that the majority in the end (in turn) suffer from symptoms of depression and anxiety.

It’s just as important to ensure that the sibling who has transitioned into a family caregiver role has their own autonomy outside of their responsibilities. Some of the things that are worth considering (source):

• Family involvement in care and support

• Open discussion with healthcare providers of their siblings to reduce anxieties and uncertainties

• Open family discussion about the illness and its impact

• Space to find personal interests, achieve goals, and develop a positive self-identity outside of illness and sibling support

Granted, this post isn’t meant to only discuss the impact in a negative way alone. It is simply meant to bring attention to the reality that sometimes those placed in similar circumstances are overlooked. Even more so when it comes to siblings. The tough discussions are worth having because stepping up in that way is never easy regardless of the fact that it’s a family member.