Many of us spend the entire year awaiting the holidays because it means having the opportunity to spend quality time with our loved ones. Especially if we do not live in close proximity to them. However, beyond the wonderful mirage of enthusiasm and good eats that are bound to fill our bellies, is sometimes a lingering feeling of sadness and occasional emptiness. This may stem from anxiety and stress over ensuring the holidays turn out perfect, experiencing the grief of a loved one lost, or even a wave of seasonal depression that only creeps up on you around the fall and winter; also referred to as Seasonal Affective Disorder or S.A.D. Oftentimes, the typical response to these feelings may be to brush them off or counter them by masking with activities one opts to quickly hurl themselves into. Sure, that may be effective at first, but it doesn’t always last very long. Nor does it help explore the issues that tend to exist well beyond it at the core. A common trait of individuals who are unfamiliar with the most effective ways to approach these emotions, is the lack of vulnerability experienced within their households. Whether that began during childhood or has been further enhanced based on newly established relationships in adulthood. This can reveal itself in the form of feelings being invalidated when expressed or never having space created to encourage psychological safety amidst other family members and friends. The most common effect is being told that sadness is a weakness, when in reality it is a strength to feel one's feelings whether they are positive or negative. The ultimate trick, straying from remaining in the negative head spaces for too long once they transpire.

The first step in dealing with these emotions, especially during the holidays, is by acknowledging what is being felt in the first place. When it comes to anxiety and stress, triggers can occur throughout the rest of the year, but become increasingly taxing when there are a multitude of tasks to complete on a holiday. Not to include the regular, every-day duties. This doesn’t only happen the day of, but it can initiate weeks prior too. Some ways that you can combat anxiety and stress so you can enjoy the holidays with your loved ones is by planning ahead, taking breaks when necessary, setting boundaries and delegating. The last thing you want to do is slip into a full fledged burnout before you have a chance to actually enjoy the time with your family and all of the quirky celebrations that come with the practice of familial traditions. Some of these suggestions may look different for everyone. Since we are all our own individuals and require certain types and levels of planning before executing something.

However, some of the most simplistic ways for planning ahead can be done in the following ways:

• Set realistic expectations

• Create a budget

• Start early

• Make lists

• Prioritize self-care

• Delete tasks

• Learn to say no

• Utilize technology

• Plan downtime

• Stay healthy

• Communicate openly

• Focus on meaningful activities

• Plan for contingencies

• Reflect on what matters most

This list barely scratches the surface of how detailed one can get when it comes to planning ahead to avoid surprises and disappointment. Not only for themselves, but everyone involved in the festivities.

I know one thing that causes me the most anxiety and stress around the holidays is choosing meals and ensuring I do not have to take multiple trips to the grocery store by making a list of the ingredients. Prior to heading out to the store, I check through the fridge and pantry to make sure that I am not buying unnecessary items that I already have at home to use because another stressor that arises sometimes is financial stress; spending too much. This is one way to ensure that I am committing myself to spending appropriately and not overdoing it. Which leads me to another opportunity to alleviate anxiety and stress as mentioned in the list – budgeting. This can help you keep track of what you intend on spending, what you’ve already spent and where you can cut corners to save if necessary. Although this time is meant to be fun, it can require a bit of planning to stay on track and avoid stressing yourself out more than is necessary.

These seem like obvious ways to avoid stressing around the holidays, but you’d be surprised how many people do not utilize the same efforts or require some assistance with planning ahead to work efficiently.

One of the most common waves of sadness that also hits people the hardest over the holidays is grief. It doesn’t matter when a loved one has been lost, the holidays are not always the easiest to get through when you’re still working on grieving their loss in the first place. Grief can also be viewed as a form of healing the more you continue to move through the emotions as they come up; it is not linear. When the holidays arrive, we are often reminded of the good times with that person, or people. Reminded, that this time of the year will never be the same without them. If you have a stash of mementos surrounding that time of the year, that can make it even more difficult while reminiscing on the lack of their presence. One thing to remind oneself of, is that it is okay if you’re not feeling excited or happy about the holidays because of your loss. Your feelings are valid, but it is also more than okay for you to find ways for coping and managing those emotions while simultaneously allowing yourself to enjoy the holidays. It is okay to spend time reliving moments together, or carving out time to spend with them at their gravesite if you live nearby or making a special moment to memorialize their life.

A couple of other things that can be taken into consideration are:

• Create a memory display

• Light a candle

• Ornament tradition

• Cook their favorite dish

• Write a letter or message

• Create a memory jar

• Charitable acts

• Attend a memorial event

• Create a scrapbook or memory book

• Start a tradition

This is only the cusp of finding ways to remember them and work through grief. If you are someone who prefers not to approach it in that manner and instead maintain some distance, that is also okay. Spending time with yourself and your feelings can also help you work through the grief. If necessary, seeking out professional help can also encourage a safe space for you to deal with your emotions. Whether you need it during the holiday season or even to get through the year as well.

Another effect of mental health during the holiday season is Seasonal Affective Disorder. It is a type of depression that occurs at a specific time of the year, typically during the fall and winter months as mentioned earlier. During these months, there is less natural sunlight which is why it is considered as “winter depression” and causes symptoms to be more pronounced. Although this is the case, some people still experience S.A.D. during the spring and summer months, just not as much as fall and winter.

Some of the key factors of S.A.D include:

• Seasonal Pattern, with symptoms beginning in the late fall or early winter and usually improving by spring or summer unless it is the reverse.

• Symptoms of S.A.D. are similar to major depressive disorder which includes persistent low mood, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, changes in sleep patterns, changes in appetite or weight, fatigue, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, difficulty concentrating and a decrease in energy.

• Although the exact cause of S.A.D. is still unknown, it is believed that lack of sunlight exposure can affect the body’s internal clock and disrupt the production of certain neurotransmitters which play a large role in regulating mood and sleep.

Regardless of S.A.D. being more common during specific seasons, depression can occur during any time of the year. However, it is integral to recognize the exact instances that it is happening and approach it in the same manner you would if it were any other time of the year. While acknowledging that your emotions do not have to define you or strip you of making the most of your time with your family during the holiday season. The same thing can be said if you spend that time alone. When trying to navigate your feelings, it is essential to acknowledge them first, and communicate them to others. That way you can also have the necessary support. If you do not have family members you can be vulnerable with in that capacity, then it may be a good idea to seek out professional help. That way you can learn effective ways for managing your emotions during the holiday season because you are also deserving of having a positive experience too.